hoping for a glittering future

So tomorrow is something that has been driving me insane for the last 3 months or maybe even more! oral surgery! My dentist told me that I need to have a wisdom tooth out because its decaying with age and is really hard to get too, its under the gum and difficult. She referred me to my local hospital to get checked out. I should be in lots of pain with it apparently but feel none and feel no problems with it at all!

I go in the morning at 11:30am and the operation is early afternoon and then I should be back about 5-6pm! There will be general anaesthetic and the recovery is a bit horrid! I am actually having two wisdom teeth out now and they get stitched up and then for the first few days there is lots of swelling, bruising etc and soft food and soup and yoghurt!

I really dont want to do this but now I just want it over with and out of the way and I move on with 2010! I am most anxious about being in a bed around other people and coping all by myself!

I have really been reading the book "feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers and I just have to keep telling myself that whatever happens tomorrow I'll handle it! it cant be worse than my anxious thoughts about it!

I will cope and handle it! and then hopefully will get loads of nice painkillers and soon next week will be a little more back to normal! I do feel I am becoming more empowered and hoping I can handle this next challenge which is the most difficult for me so far :)

much love D xx

I posted this on my livejournal as well which is a little cheeky, I normally keep them separate :)

Hey,
its 2010 and a livejournal update *gasp* which updates rss feeds and other stuff around the web! I forget exactly where it sends posts also too! Nearly everyone on my livejournal has deleted their journal or not updating anymore! I think the future of livejournal is its dead. I use facebook and twitter so much more now, there is links to my profiles on my info! I update them daily! I am still not deleting my lj yet, I will update occasionally :)

2009 was by large a bit of a crap year but with some fleeting good moment! although I feel I made a gentle progress through it

10 things I did in 2009

• I lost three people I knew but none of them that close or that I was related too. All of the deaths were horrible and still made me sad :(


• I made about 2000 friends on twitter! People still keep adding me, I am really not that interesting!


• I started a fairly anonymous mental health blog, I am not very good at anonymous and is pretty easy to find, ask me privately if you want the link, people seem to like it ;)


• I turned 30 in May and struggled before reaching old age! I threw a cocktail party in a bar! I had all my friends there and randomly invited some people I knew from the interweb and felt close with and they were wonderful! I had never danced so much or drunk so much ;-)


• Also in May I upgraded my phone to my first ever Blackberry which is currently sent off for repair, I am really really missing it so much! I may be addicted badly :)


• I realised my fave drink of all is an appletini and prefer spirits / cocktails/ white wine to beer


• My family did major building work and extended the house to create a new conservatory / sun room and double size kitchen and little toilet downstairs. It looks gorgeous and the kitchen is all modern with fabulous appliances. its the first new kitchen my mum has had since 1985! The work went on from July to the end of November! No work went on during August however. It was high stress and I photographed everything as a record :)
• I thought I had found love with someone, I was mistaken :(
• I became addicted to Lady Gaga
• I celebrated my best friend / fag hag's birthday in a bar / club in Earl's Court last Dec.

I think I challenge and push myself more to do things! I can see that I am progressing to a normal life of not anxiety insanity, but its still a slow progress! I want a nice man and a job / career, but I think I am edging closer to those :)

in 2009 my New Year's resolution was to not take anything personally, especially not on the internet! its so easy to misread things!
in 2010 my resolution is to be a little more selfish, I always care and worry about others. I want to do what I want that makes me happy! if I cant be happy or love myself then why should I rely on anyone else. I think its all about the self and more independence this year.

On Thursday I am having minor surgery in hospital. I go in the morning and then early afternoon they are going to do oral surgery under general anaesthetic to remove two wisdom teeth. Its a little complicated to get to them so has to have a general anaesthetic! Its been stressing me out for the past 3 months about it! I should be home that evening hopefully! I then have a fun week of a really bruised jaw and stitched up mouth and there is gonna be soup and yoghurt eating! I have been reading "feel the fear and feel it anyway" and it has been making me see it more positively! I am most worried about handling the recovery. what happens if I am really ill afterwards. I am being positive and optimistic and I can handle it (I hope)

2010 is all about new and more challenges! I realise I have to do things that I don't like and feel stressful! :)

much love D xx

hey, happy 2010!
*big hugs* to everyone who keeps reading this little place via rss or as a google friend! means a lot! gonna do a post update in the next week but want to paste here two posts from other places! which is a bit of a cheap copy and paste but want them here too :)

After my last posting in August which was a really bad month things did get a lot better! 2009 was a bit of a shit year but that month really was the worst! doing a bit better now and hoping 2010 is better! will keep updating every so often :)

This was something I posted in a Facebook note to only certain friends on the 11th November 2009:-